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Medical Jokes
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Laughter - The Best Medicine
May02
Drunk Blind

A drunk staggered into a hospital's ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses.

He said, "They come out halfway, but always pop back in."

A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success.

Finally, a doctor examines him and discovers that the man did not have his contact lenses in at all.

He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea!


Aug17
Question : What is love & explain in details

Question :-what is love and explain in details ?..............
marks 10

Answer:

MBA Student's Answer: Love is life.

... (marks : 1/2 from 10)

--------------- --------------- ------------

Engineering Student's Answer : Love is pain.

... ( marks : 1/2 from 10)

--------------- --------------- ------------

Medical Student's Answer :

- Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between men & women that can cause death of one or both depending on the resistance associated.

- TYPES:
one sided & both sided

- AGE:
Usually occurs in teenagers but nowadays can be found in any age

- SYMPTOMS:
Tension
Daydreaming
Insomnia
Phone Addiction

- DIAGNOSIS BY:
Diary
Photos
Mobile
Whts app

- TREATMENT:
Anti-LOVE therapy by Father's Shoe or
Mother's Sandals...

(marks 10 from 10) Excellent !


Aug16
Old Age Joke

An Old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg. “I am afraid it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.” “That can’t be” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.” “How can you possibly know I am wrong?” countered the doctor. “Well it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”


Jun29
At a Dentistís

Dentist: “Would you help me out? I’d like you to give a few of your loudest screams.”

Patient: “Why, Doc? It isn’t all that bad this time.”

Dentist: “Well, there are about 20 people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the five o’clock Braves game on Channel 4.”


Apr20
Slim Fast Weight Loss Joke

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un rewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Hell is this?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.

"Sandy!", he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear? "

She replied with a snicker. "It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!!"


Apr18
Son Operates on Dad

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'


Apr16
Plastic Surgery Joke

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.

Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems:

"First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

"The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."


Apr13
The Mechanic & The Cardiologist

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I make $40,000 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,500,000) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic ... "Try doing it with the engine running."


Apr11
Best Patients For Surgery

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best Patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers ... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong! Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable!


Apr09
The Love Story of Ralph & Edna

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang h himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

Happy Mental Health Day!

You can do your bit by sending this to an unstable friend ...


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