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God! I; as very ordinary and common individual; want to make some confessions and admit some of my many flaws.
I have intense sexual desire. I cannot treat the model of opposite sex; in advertisements; in news papers, magazines and on TV; as my mother or father. I get excited.
I have intense desire to eat/drink and relish the delicacies; as and when I see them in exhibitions and in TV programs.
I have anger. I cannot remain quiet when I realize my helplessness in even small matters.
I have greed. I feel like buying trendy clothes, going to hill stations, living in five star and seven star hotels, and enjoy every kind of luxury; especially when I see its glorification and hype!
I have attachment. I feel honestly that my mother, father, in laws and others close to me should not suffer from poverty. I sincerely feel that my children should not suffer from discrimination; while they are in schools, colleges or in jobs.
I have jealousy. I feel really jealous when I see people buying gold and jewels, which I cannot even dream of. I really burn from within!
I have pride. I feel proud that in spite of so many adversities, that I have more possessions (though not as many as I would like to have) and respect in family and society (though not as much as I would like) than many others!
God! The preaching, ordinances, commandments and/or ideals of abstinence i.e. ‘conquering of the SHADRIPUS’ on the one hand; and the physiological instincts and needs, which keep compelling me for satiation; create a severe conflict and stress within me!
God! Frankly speaking; I pretend contentment or even aggrandizement and arrogance about my spirituality, NAMASMARAN or other SADHANA. I am not happy. Still I propagate it as panacea. Am I not a hypocrite?
God! I understand that it is not possible to fulfill all the desires and/or needs of everybody. I understand that I have to evolve. I have to blossom from within.
God! I honestly tell you I don’t want to satisfy any of my desires and needs at the cost of others. But I am finding it very difficult. Either I have to cheat my conscience or get cheated!
It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to blossom from within; amidst the inappropriate and often sectarian perspective, policies, plans, programs, laws, rules and their implementation; at global and local levels! I am being dragged from inside and outside; by frustration, depression, indolence, irresponsibility, indiscipline, irregularity, absenteeism, hypocrisy, lies, frauds, scams and other crimes.
God! I have only one question!
Is it unrealistic to envisage emergence of holistic perspective, policies, plans, programs and implementation; ushering in the global conditions; conducive to individual and universal blossoming; through NAMASMARAN, JIKRA, JAP, JAAP, SUMIRAN, SIMARAN i.e. remembrance of TRUE SELF?

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